To be completely honest, I didn’t think I would make it this far into this pregnancy. And to be even more honest, I didn’t WANT to make it this far. I’m equal parts proud of my body for being pregnant this long and annoyed that my body is pregnant this long. Of course, I’m happy that these babies are getting all the nutrients and goodness that they need for as long as possible, but dang, I’m tired of it. I basically feel like I’m 72 weeks pregnant since there are two of them.
How am I feeling physically?
Oh fine, if you like feeling like every joint, ligament and muscle is not that of a 35 year old, but better suited for a 95 year old. When I heft myself up to stand, my first few steps are killer on my feet. They feel bruised all over from being so swollen. And all my joints are so loosey goosey right now that I feel like the tin man. If I’ve been still for any amount of time, my hands and hips especially get so achey, I wish I could just oil them up to make them feel better! Instead I have been taking baths to try to help. It does to some extent, but at this point I think my body just doesn’t know what to do to be comfortable.
I never thought that I would ever want to share a picture of my bare pregnant belly. However, early in this pregnancy I just wanted to see how other women carried twins! So here it is in it’s white, veiny, freckly and very filtered glory! YOWZA!
In the past month or so I have also started having a lot of upper abdominal pain. Because it is mostly on the right side, my doctor thought it could be my gallbladder and I had to go for an ultrasound to check for gallstones. Luckily, that wasn’t the case, but it also meant that we had no answer as to why it hurts.
Truthfully, it just feels a lot like preeclampsia, especially when combined with the extreme swelling and occasional spots in my vision, but my blood pressure and protein haven’t been high. I did mention to my doctor this week that while my blood pressure isn’t technically high, it has been increasing and is getting high for me. So he ran some more labs and things are still looking okay. So we will just wait it out, I guess. Not much else we can do but grow these babies.
How are the babies?
Feeling the babies grow inside me is so so crazy. At my ultrasound this week, we saw that Baby B is not head down or head up, but rather laying sideways across the left side of my belly. 🥴 Feeling them move is similar to imagining eating two giant burritos that then go to gymnastics practice. It’s bonkers in there.
They are growing so well though! Baby A is measuring just over six pounds and Baby B is just under six. Both my girls were small and in the six pound range, but Cohen was over seven pounds at 36 weeks so I’m nervous that these two little dudes are going to be big like him! And the last thing I need is to be birthing two babies the size of 10 lb bags of potatoes! Yikes!
Do we have a birth plan?
Every time I’ve had a baby and am asked what my birth plan is, I have three things that I tell them. 1. I would like an epidural. 2. Philip doesn’t want to cut the cord. And 3. I don’t want the babies out directly on my chest. Go wash them up while the doctor finishes with me, and when everyone is cleaned up a bit, then we will have a snuggle fest.
So for this time, it’s essentially the same. I mentioned in my last post that I’ll be delivering in an OR just to make sure that they have everything ready in case of emergency or distress. But I’ll go in with basically the same plan. We are hoping for a vaginal delivery, unless an ultrasound at the time shows they are doing backflips and are breech all of a sudden. Or if things change and it would be safer for the three of us to do a C-section, then we will change gears. The fact that Baby B is no longer breech is a good thing, my doctor is hoping that after Baby A is born, the second will just follow his lead.
Anything left to prepare?
The nursery is done! I have the babies’ stuff packed and ready in my hospital bag. I went to Target and got the rest of the little things. Philip grabbed me candy for my hospital bag (now the trick is to not eat them before we are at the hospital!). And lastly and most importantly, we have names picked out! I was a little lukewarm on Philip’s selection at first, but yesterday as I was driving, I was imaging announcing the names and started crying. I think that means they will be a good fit? Or that I’m just too pregnant to function at this point. So all that’s left is having these babies!
Well yeah. I’m going to be very frank here. I’ve been a wreck this past month. I’d like to blame it all on pregnancy hormones, can I? No, it’s not just that, though I think that just complicated and made all the other things worse. And before I dive in, I have to say, I feel so bad complaining when I recognize that this is what I’ve asked for! We wanted another baby. I wanted the IVF to be successful. I wanted a big family! But, that doesn’t change the fact that life is still tricky sometimes.
I’ve felt insanely overwhelmed with all the things. Virtual schooling has not been great for us. My patience with my kids has been ridiculously limited. Then I feel bad about being so short tempered and yelling. I miss working and having the fulfillment that it brings me. And in addition to being so physically uncomfortable, I also don’t enjoy or appreciate how I look right now. I also am dreading staring down the 50 lbs that has come with these babies. None of these things are really that big of a deal, but added up all together and it has created a great deal of overwhelm that hasn’t made me the nicest human to live with. I just keep hoping that my family will somehow block a lot of this out of their memories and that the coming days will be brighter than the past month or so.
One thing is for sure, I WILL NOT have another pregnancy blog post! I keep thinking it will be any day now, heaven help me and make it soon!