When I was writing my Two Thirds Pregnant post, I started talking about how wonky it has been to be pregnant in 2020. You know, the year with ALL the things. And then I just kept writing and writing and realized, this kind of needs to be it’s own post. So here we are.
When we planned a pregnancy for this year, we didn’t plan on twins. We obviously knew it was a possibility, but didn’t really think it would happen. This was our fourth IVF transfer we’ve done, and we have either had zero or one embryo stick successfully before, so we just didn’t think that this would be the time that they would both stick! So let’s start with the fact that already, our year was off to kind of a bonkers start. And then the virus/global pandemic/quarantine? Man there was nothing that could have prepared me for that! Like I think I’ve mentioned before, we found out about our twins two days before the world shut down! How’s that for timing?
Anyway, in a lot of ways, this is just like any other pregnancy. And then there are a few things that make it kind of terrible. So here I go whining for the next little bit. And I’m not really trying to whine, these are just things that have made things a little less than ideal for this fourth time around.
Quarantining While Feeling Terrible
First, there was the quarantine at home during the first two months of me being pregnant. That is when I felt the sickest! I had three little kids that wanted me to be playing with anad feeding them, and I just wanted to lay on the couch. I remember my boss commenting when I called to tell him I was pregnant (I couldn’t really wait until I showed up at work when we reopened and had a 15 week belly), that it must be nice to have the time off when I was the sickest. But honestly, it made it really hard. Because I didn’t have somewhere/ANYWHERE to go for those two months, the time felt like it was ticking backwards. I think I would have been better off going to work as normal, even if it meant having to fake feeling good. So bless my children for putting up with so much during that time. Not only was their world turned around as they weren’t going to school anymore and we had no park or museum outings, but then I was home all the time, and relatively grumpy as I wasn’t feeling well. Hopefully they won’t remember much of that dark time. 😬
The Unknown for the Babies
Second is just the unknown. I do not have, nor have I had COVID at this point. Fingers crossed it stays that way! And from what I’ve read and been told by my OB, it isn’t something that affects unborn babies as far as they can tell. However, it’s also a relatively new virus that I don’t think we have all the answers for. So am I just a smidge nervous about possible long term effects that haven’t been discovered if I do get the virus while pregnant. Hopefully, if anything, it is just a weird hairline or something and not some longterm lung development issues.
The Unknown with the Delivery
Not only that, but I have a lot of questions and concerns around my delivery due to COVID in hospitals right now. I have every confidence in the safety of delivering in a hospital right now. However, even without the pandemic, I don’t know what my delivery will entail. My previous three deliveries have all been pretty straight forward (a few unpleasant hiccups with Cohen, but the other two were perfect). This time, there is more than a 50% chance that I will end up with a C-section. And of course, we just don’t know until it’s go time. So my concern is how long I need to be in the hospital, and I don’t believe that Philip will be able to leave and come back. Which means no burritos can be brought to me! 😩 Also, that would mean a lot of planning for childcare for our three other babies if Philip were to stay with me for the 2-4 days that might be required after a C-section. It is okay, we are fortunate enough to have family around, but it is just a lot of planning that can’t really be planned until the minute it happens. Sighhhhh, and I am a bit of a planner so it makes me a little anxious and unsettled about it.
Solo Doctors Appointments
The next thing is doctors appointments. Now this is nothing new, but I had to go to all of them by myself. I’m not opposed to that, and even with my first pregnancy Philip only came to a couple with me, but the ultrasounds were sad to go to alone. Luckily it’s not our first rodeo, so I wasn’t devastated by any means, but still. Texting Philip to tell him genders of our babies wasn’t ideal. I would have loved for him to be able to be with me for that. But, it is what it is.
Fall School Plans
And then there are plans for the fall. When I had Jade, the transition from two kids to three was really tricky for me. I attributed it to the fact that Cohen was barely two and kind of a nightmare. But added to that, it was before Maren was in school, so we were all together allllllllllll the days. They were long days that were really rough.
Now we are used to lots of long days, but I had looked forward to my two older kids being in school part of the days and some quiet time with just the babies and Jade. Doesn’t that sound lovely? The older two gone at school in the afternoons, Jade napping, and me getting a little quality time with babies? The answer is yes, it sounds lovely, but will likely not happen.
Our school district will not be returning to classrooms until mid fall, at the earliest, which happens to be exactly when I could be having these boys! And then of course I have concerns about sending my big kids back when we will be bringing two teeny babies into our home. But then again, who knows if the babies will be coming home right away? Who knows if/when kids will be going back? Who knows if the virus will have calmed down by then? Who knows anything? Nobody. And it’s making me bonkers.
And the last thing that is really throwing me off with this whole pandemic, is being so so hot. And with being back at work, I’m just downright steamy. I don’t mind working in the least bit, in fact, I get a lot of fulfillment from it. However, my office is taking a lot of precautions to keep ourselves and our patients safe. And while I am happy to do it, it’s uncomfortable. While I work I am wearing two masks and a face shield. I also have a surgical gown on that doesn’t breathe well (in order to keep germs out), plus my normal gloves and it is HOT. Add to that that I have two babies that are possibly made of lava inside of me who are adding 150 degrees to my core temperature. I am basically a human furnace. I mean, it doesn’t really help that we live on the face of the sun, but man, it’s hot. And working makes me hotter.
Is it the Worst Thing to Ever Happen?
No, I know that there is still a lot to be grateful for. I’m so lucky and thankful that my family has been healthy through this all and that aside from some annoyances and worries, we are A-okay. And I’m not the only one in the world that has been pregnant or had a baby this year. People are doing it and they’re fine! But, it just wasn’t quite the experience we were hoping to have. All in all, we are excited about what the next couple months will bring!