I kept myself busy this morning, I thought it would keep my mind off of being stressed, but I’m not sure it worked. I woke up with a headache and could feel that I had been grinding my teeth. And though I tried to be chipper and happy, I just had a weird feeling. It wasn’t dread or fear, maybe just impatience? Anxiety? I’m not normally an anxious person, but for some reason I feel like I just need to go get this done. This, of course, being my IVF transfer. This being getting pregnant. You know, normal, everyday stuff. 🙂
Because of weird work schedules, I was just going to meet Philip at our doctor’s office, but was thrilled when it worked out so we could go together. It feels a little more unified, you know? Not so much like a business transaction that we are meeting for. I mean, technically he doesn’t have to be here, but I would indeed like him there when we potentially get pregnant.
My appointment was at 1, the check in was 12:30. I was instructed to empty my bladder at 12 and then start drinking 32 oz of water before the transfer. We got there at our appointed time, paid our $2000 (thanks for nothing United Healthcare) and sat down to wait. And again, this is where my weird anxiousness came back. It was like I just needed to be done. For this part of the process to be over. And as we were casually waiting, all cool and collected (totally not stressing out in my brain), it felt almost weird that it was so casual when this transfer was what we had been working towards for the past two months!
They finally call us back to our private little room where we are instructed to get sexy. And by that, I clearly mean to put on our hairnets and medical slippers and for me to don my one size fits nobody gown. IVF is sooooo sexy. We wait there for another bit and in the middle of casual conversation and phone scrolling, I asked Philip how he was feeling. His response? “It’s not real. Like it’s just a thing that we do. Not until we get the pregnancy result will it sink in.”
Isn’t it funny how two people can feel so differently about the same situation?
We are taken into the transfer room where the lights are real dim, perfect for setting the mood. 😂 After confirming my name and date of birth like four times and getting my legs up in stirrups, they start by doing an ultrasound to make sure my bladder is full (it is and I have to pee sooooo badly. They like a full bladder because apparently it keeps your uterus in place or something? Whatever the reason, I have to pee). The doctor comes in, makes some small talk, and without further adieu, we start the transfer.
A catheter is placed into my cervix while the ultrasound tech is holding the probe on my belly. They want to make sure it is in just the right spot, somewhere in the middle of that thick uterine lining that we’ve been checking and working towards. Once they confirm that, the doctor calls into a small pass through in the wall to the embryologist in the lab (on the other side of the wall) that we are ready. She comes in, verifies my name and that we have two embryos, and hands them off to the doctor. They are in a long syringe tube of sorts that he puts through the catheter. On the ultrasound you can see two little white dots come out of the catheter, and when I asked if those were the embryos, he said no, they were the bubble markers. 🤷🏽♀️ They then take the tube back into the lab where the embryologist examines the tube with a microscope to make sure they aren’t in there. We wait wait wait, and sure enough, it’s clear! Ta-da, just like that we’ve transferred two embryos. The whole thing takes about five minutes.
We are led back to our changing room, (after I make an emergent stop in the bathroom to relive myself in a similar manner to that of a racehorse), get dressed and are on our way.
They give us post op instructions, ie. pelvic rest the first day, avoiding baths and hot tubs, avoiding lawn mowing (a real hit for me) and get this: avoiding intercourse. Because that, my friends, is how you make a baby. 😂 Before we left I scheduled my blood test for ten days out. And now we go home and wait.
On the way home, I said something along the lines of, “So that was that!” Philip replied that it seems like everything this time around has gone so smoothly. And it really has, which is good. So good. But it is just weird. Aside from insurance, we haven’t had any hiccups, so things should work, right?
Philip said he should feel excited, feel good about it all, but he’s just is afraid to. And there it is. It’s our signature feeling around all things IVF, fertility and pregnancy. I’ve mentioned it before. It’s trying to be hopeful without getting your hopes up. Trying to be positive when we know that there’s a legitimate chance of negatives. It’s just a lot of conflicting feelings, all the time.
And now, we wait. I have been told to avoid lifting over 25 lbs, which luckily, Jadey is 24, so I should be good. 😉 But really, it is a weird feeling, feeling like I should “take it easy” but also, feeling like my body should be able to handle being a mom. And if it can’t handle it, then why am I having more babies? You see my dilemma here?
So here I am. Waiting and taking it easy-ish. And basically all that means is that I’m trying not to lift Cohen. Heavens knows that it’s not like I have any boot camps or rigorous exercise routines to abstain from.
We have some fun weekend plans to try to take our minds off everything and to help this next ten days go a little quicker, we will see if it actually works. And in the mean time, I’ll be over here not having sex so I can get pregnant. 😏